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Please, Feel Sorry For Yourself.

In a very “off brand” move, I am encouraging you to spend the next several moments wallowing in self pity. 

Yes. You read that correctly. 

WALLOW. INDULGE. BASK. RELISH. Whatever. 

Choose your favorite activity and GO.  You deserve a few moments to decompress. 

2020 has been a dumpster fire. 

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I like to believe I am ultimately a pretty positive person. A glass half full, “live your best life toting” kind of gal. 

That said, this idea that “you need to be happy all of the time” blasted all over the internet is a far cry from reality. 

There is something unsettling about “life coaches” and “celebrity influencers” who are constantly sharing a message of sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows. Though I believe that the intent of their message is to inspire and uplift and is likely rooted in kindness, in our current climate the message can begin to feel out of touch. 

But what about giving people hope? Isn’t that what they need? 

But if people don’t allow themselves to feel from time to time, won’t they self implode? 

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I have found myself conflicted with these questions every day through my own brand message. As I mentioned earlier, I tend to see the good before the bad. My entire motivation in life is to help people choreograph the best version of themselves. My goal is to provide hope for YOUR goals, however lofty they may be. 

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But I have felt like a fraud in my efforts to play the role of a business owner who isn’t exhausted, stressed, sad, and fed up. 

Because, trust me, I am all of the above.

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The challenges we have been presented in the last several months are ones we could have never mentally, physically, or emotionally been equipped to tackle, no matter the given notice. And while no circumstance is created equal, I think we can all agree, without going into the gory details, that the majority of recent events being shared in the news are all pretty much the worst.

Are you exhausted?  

Are you stressed? 

Are you sad? 

Are you just totally and overwhelmingly fed up? 

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Good news: You are allowed to be. 

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Please do not get it twisted: 

I do not believe I am the “granter of permission” to do anything. 

You are in charge of you. 

You are your own “granter” of actions. 

I am simply encouraging YOU to grant YOU the permission to not have to be strong all the time. 

If you are exhausted- give yourself permission to take something off of your plate. 

If you are stressed- give yourself permission to unwind. 

If you are sad- give yourself permission to cry. 

If you are just totally and overwhelmingly fed up- give yourself PERMISSION TO FEEL ALL OF IT. 

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After all, 2020 is a dumpster fire.

There is no magic formula or method to allowing yourself to feel. 

But we have to allow ourselves to do it. 

At the beginning of the quarantine, I was the captain of “Team Positive.” I allowed myself to feel only hopeful and only happy. 

Thousands of dollars out the window due to cancelled contracts?: It’s fine! 

Not seeing friends or family for weeks on end?: Zoom is cool! 

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Then one day, I melted down. 

I spent the whole day in tears and couldn’t get out of bed. 

What was happening to me? 

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Say what you want about 2020, one thing is certain: 

In the midst of all of the chaos, in MANY instances it has presented the “clear 20/20 vision” the name so hopefully promised. Certainly not the glorious success and clarity we had all “clinked to” at midnight, but clear vision never the less. 

One thing that has become personally very clear is I need to grant myself permission to feel sorry for myself when things don’t work out. When the plan is derailed, disappointment is to be expected and should be embraced. 

And while you can’t put a timeline on grief and disappointment, I have found that the more opportunities you grant yourself to feel, the more opportunities you have to uncover how to best work through the less appealing times. 

The comeback is alway greater than the setback ASSUMING you know how to comeback. 

And just like anything else, you won’t learn how to come back until you grant yourself permission to learn. 

So while you’re muddling through the rest of this “unprecedented” dumpster fire of a moment, no matter how much longer it may be, be kind to yourself. At the end of the day, when all of the embers have settled, you will ALWAYS have you in your corner. 

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